Tuesday, October 12, 2010

again.....

as i drove back to jeli.... i cried...AGAIN!!!

what da reason behind those tears??
many reasons but i don't know how to say it... :(
many feelings are inside me but i don't know how to spill it..

i'm sad because i felt lonely..really..
i felt that i can't be with my family at those happy times..
i felt that i have lose my friends...
i felt alone in my workplace..no one to share the problems at work that i faced everyday, to discuss about cases that catch my interest...

im sad because im tired...oncall once in every three weeks since there are only three pegawai in my hospital...
i can say that 60-70% the burden at my workplace on my shoulder...no one to share the burden...serabut otak fikir...nk share ngn org lain

im sad because im sad...
mcm2 lagi sbnrnye tp xtau nk luahkn mcm mane..
hati ni rase sgt berat...
that day, for the first time i told mama ape feeling aku..
mama ckp i felt like this because this is the first time i've been far away from home..
and mama said that, i am given a chance from Allah, time utk lebih dekatkan diri aku dengan Dia..
yes hanna...use the chance that being given to u..
use it wisely..dekatkan diri dengan Dia, ketenangan akan datang nanti..
InsyaAllah....

Sunday, September 26, 2010

keberkatan doa mama

i realized that, once mama said a thing will happen to me, the thing that she had said really happened...since i was in school...
sejak awal mase aku mntk transfer, tiap2 kali balik s'gor, tiap2 kali call mama, x abis2 aku suh mama doa biarla permohonan transfer aku cepat menjadi...all that she said was "x pela, duk la situ dulu.."
but last night, what she said to me made my heart flutter "oh no!! x nak mengharap sbnrnye...tp kene jgk berharap sbb dr harapan la jd impian"
actually we were talking about the quarters i've been living for the past almost a year..
then, mama cakap "kakak kn x da lame dh kt ctu...." hohohoho...harap2 ape yg mama sebut itu menjadi kenyataan...keberkatan doa seorang mama, perkataan yang keluar dari mulut mama harap2 menjadi...
because, honestly, aku nk duduk bawah ketiak mama...x betul2 bawah ketiak pun, aku nk duduk kt tpt yg bile aku rase nk blk, aku bleh balik dgn senang...(sumenye salah mama ngn bapak jugak...hehehe..x penah lepas aku duk jauh dr diorg...haaa..kn da susah... :P) sbbnye, my family is my life, aku nk sentiase dikelilingi by my family and close friends...huhu...
pedulik la org nk kate ape,org yg berkate tu pn x sedar, die pun same je.... (^^)


p/s: aku ni manja kan? hahahahaha...

Saturday, September 18, 2010

problem

i'm working in district hospital..
budget given kinda cukup-cukup makan..x mewah sgt la..
my friend that do the purchasing pn pening kepale nk manage the money so that it can last until the next budget given..
x salahkn die but sometimes geram sbb aku yg jage klinikal pening kepale dan x larat nk cari pnjm ubat merata bile ubat out of stock..
some ubat u can see that (with the use of ur clinical knowledge, eventho u x involve sgt in klinikal) it will be use constantly and the demand is high, so how about buying it banyak2..hmm?????
when u buy the drug sikit2, kite x leh nk bajet 'owh bulan ni 3 org je pt nk pakai ubat ni'..
patient will come when they are sick, and kite xleh put a limit to the no of patient present..tup..tup..sorry doctor, ubat ni dah out of stock..hmm...
da cakap byk kali, da bgtau byk kali jgk, klu slalu sgt bgtau nnt terase pulak,nnt kate kite ni kacau keje die...but please, im already tired about this matter..i know ur problem but please understand my problem too...
so, ubat yg mmg high demand, constantly use, cannot be predicted how many it will be used, aku rase x kesah beli bebyk as long as x keputusan ubat..how about it huh?
about the ubat pakar, pn dh x tau nk control camane sbb mmg pt meningkat, x kn nk halang pt from seeing the specialist, x kn nk halang the specialist from doing their job, but still from our side can la control nye sedikit sebyk, tp klu dah condition pt tu mmg memerlukan ubat tu, mmg xleh nk kate x leh la kn...(pt pun tolong la compliance dan pantang ape 2 yg patut so that ur condition x worsen..it is also a factor that contribute to the matter above)

all of these things made me depressed all the time..jgn one day aku kene depression sudah..i don't want to be one of the person that on antidepression..
this matter didn't give me satisfaction in delivering my service to the client and my passion to my work slowly fading away!!!!! i love my job...really.. but things have limits..and mine maybe nearly to the limit..
please Allah...help me..guide me..permudahkan segala urusan ku..

p/s to myself: betulkan niat kerana Allah, ikhlaskan hati kerana Allah, insya Allah semuanya okay..

Saturday, September 4, 2010

"bila nak kahwin?"

is a very common question when u have reached the age of 20++ and already passed 25...malas betul nk menjawabnye....
hehehehe...
satu soalan yg sometimes easy to be answered if u have the calon already (and u r sure about it) and soalan yang susah aku nk jwb...
kdg2 adik aku, aisyh sibuk tanye "kakak, bile nk kawen?" jwpn aku "abg2 da ade 5 org pn x ckp lg ke?" hahahaha..
persoalan ni mmg susah nk berjawab...
kerana aku belum punye calon...cousin aku kate "baek kawen cepat, tkt nnt org pencen carikan.."
:P
ade org ckp aku terlalu memilih, high standard, even mama pn ckp "kakak ni high standard.."
yes.. that's true but not 100%...i can tolerate, not everyone 100% perfect even me..that's human nature kn?
ade jgk org ckp "x kn xde lg? org cantik (cantik ke??) mcm hannah ni, xkn xde org berkenan?"
yes.. that is also true..mmg xde org yg berkenan kat aku...
for the past yrs that i've lived, i have never experienced what people called couple..and sebenarnye klu boleh nak once and for all, sekali cukup, x nk ulang byk2 kali..biar da pasti baru couple, then terus kawen...
aku suke org, ade...org suke aku, i never knew..and so far to my knowledge, mmg x ade...
one of the factor maybe because of my nature itself..
people yg rapat ngn aku maybe tahu...
aku bkn org yg sng nk baik dgn org, lbh2 lg lelaki..
and i think im not so open to men...gosh, i dun know how to explain it..
mama once asked me "kakak da ade boyfriend ke?" and i bet, mesti die risau psl anak dara die yg sorg ni...
hahahaha...kesian mama ngn bapak, kwn2 diorg sume da ade yg 2-3 kali da wat knduri utk anak2...lagi2 skrg, since mama da berpencen duduk di rumah ni...
tapi nk wat camane...blum ade org yg betul2 berjaye open my heart yet (wahh! ayat x bleh blah btul)
the other factor is, i have to find a calon yg sekufu dgn family aku...
org tu msti boleh jadi imam dgn baek , knowlegde agama klu x byk pn atleast cket (to pass mama and bapak prerequisite..and me too), yg boleh bimbing aku but STILL gile2 and x skema...
from his physical appearance, you wouldn't expect that this guy can be an imam for solat jemaah and bacaan juge sedap..
hahahhaa..high standard la hanna ni...
but, itu lah yg aku nk...so far, mmg susah nk berjumpe yg begini...
dulu, i put one of the syarat, that guy must be tall..but now, x perlula, as long as im shorter than him..
muke...cute pada aku cukup...
hahhahaha... :P
kalau ikutkan hati ni, mmg dah terase sgt2 nk ade lelaki yg care psl aku, risau psl aku,
tgk kawan2 da kawen, my two bestfriends da selamat dah...mar dah selamat dgn arip, izza insyaAllah thn depan dgn bob...aku calon pn xdak lg ni...huhu (T.T) tgk diorg berdue ni hari tu, sedih je hati ni, seriously...tp gembira sbb diorg dah ade org yg boleh jage diorg...
hmm...actually, now got one calon, mmg selesa dgn die, but tepuk dada tanye hati, x tau la jwpn nye...kejap rase ye, kejap rase tidak...
org tu pun, kejap mcm tidak, kejap mcm ye tp x tau la klu nature die berkawan mmg mcm tu and kalau aku je yg perasan (ye la, x penah ade experience kn...)
hati dan perasaan ni mmg susah betul...
so, for now the search continues...Allah sahaja yg tahu, bile aku akn jmpe lelaki yang satu itu and adakah ciri2 yg aku nk tu aku akan dapat..
jadinye...doa la banyak2 moga dipertemukan jodoh dgn lelaki yg soleh, yang menyayangi aku dan keluargaku sepenuh hati, yang dapat menerima segala kelemahan yang ada pada diri ini dan juga keluargaku...ameennn


p/s: asal tetibe cerite pasal ni ye? hmm... :P
symptom 'umur dah passed suku abad' kot....heee~~~

counting days

i'll be going back to my family this tuesday...
nk tgk muhammad aqil...
pastu balik kedah...jumpe sume org....beshnyer....
x sabar...x sabar...
:P

new member

alhamdulillah....
today, ahli keluarga tok shaari bertambah lagi...
maksu selamat melahirkan a baby boy with weight 2.6kg thru caeserean...
name, will be afundi later by all the family member, i guess...hahaha..(kot2 nk buat cam sarah dulu) but i know paksu already had a name to give to his son..
sarah dhina dear, now u have a baby brother...u r the big sister now! hihihi..kakak rndu sama sarah la!!
x sabar nk balik selangor jumpe sume org, tgk baby baru, konvoi ramai2 balik kedah for hari raya...
4 more days to go... :)))))

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

prayer

pray that my senior, a happiness, who's going to start her new life in her hometown after waiting for a long time..
pray that my friend who's in dilemma and drama of life to be strong..im here for u babe..
pray that all my friends who'll be starting their new life sooner, a good one..
pray that my days to come, to be sailing smoothly..changes will happen sooner or later though i hate it..huhu..
pray that sooner my loneliness will be gone..
pray that my dream to be in my hometown will become a reality, one day..
pray that i'll be a good person to everybody esp to my parents..
pray that all my prayers will be answered by the Almighty during this Ramadhan al-mubarak...ameen..

Thursday, August 26, 2010

is it?

are we being injusticed?
hope not...
please don't treat us like that..
we are people too, have feelings...
what do u feel if this thing happen to ur loved ones?
i hope its not....
Allah sahaja yg tahu..
to those yang terlibat, banyakkan bersabar, ade sebab kenape semua ni berlaku kat kite..
if those people treat us right, alhamdulillah..if not, itu urusan mereka dengan Tuhan...

Saturday, August 21, 2010

currently...

i'm working in kelantan...nearly 1 year already..
how was it?
hmmm...not so happy...
im now a pharmacist, working in hosp jeli..
only three PF there, so a lot of responsibility to cover comes with alot of problems..

dari kecik dah besa idup di tempat yang senang, mewah for everything...alih2 kena posting kat tempat yg sgt2 berbeza drpd tempat kita membesaq dari kecik...
at first, masa tau kene posting kelantan...da x tau nk feel camana, tp sebab xdak kabel besaq gajah utk stay di s'gor, dgn berat hati pergi jua melaporkan diri di kelantan..
igtkn lapor diri aritu terus dpt tau dapat hosp mana...naaaa...rupa-rupanya, org kt ctu pn x dpt lgi list nama kitorg ni...so, mama ngn bapak have to go back first...
2 hari lps tu, baru tau kena posting di jeli, which is one of the place that is the most 'hulu-est'...
tepon mama bgtau, smbil nangis2...mama srh buat surat rayuan, esok pegi jumpa org yg bertanggungjawab, siap leleh2 nk mntk tkq bg dpt d bndr ckit dgn alasan saye org luar, sorg2, sesungguhnya lgsg tidak dilayan...

maka...bermulelah episod baru hidupku...
at first, mmg rase sgt2 suck and terrible...
but then (and until now), cuba menerima Qada' dan Qadar yg telah ditentukan oleh Allah...
setiap yg berlaku ada hikmahnya....tapi kita sebagai manusia, mmg terlalu lemah untuk menerima kenyataan yang mmg lari jauh drpd apa yg diidamkan, masih lagi mempersoalkan 'kenapa?', 'why me?'...
dan sejak kebelakangan ni, kesedaran timbul, semua yang berlaku mmg ada reason, cume kita ja yg x nmpk...ku kata pada diriku sndiri (hari2), bersabarlah, walaupun byk dugaan yang dtg, pelbagai masalah yg timbul yg menyerabutkan fikiran, niat di hati kena betul, ikhlas kerana Allah, baru hati kita tenang, segala urusan dipermudahkan...
dan telah lama alpa dengan kehidupan, maka kena kembali semula kepada Maha Pencipta, barulah segala yang dipohon akan menjadi kenyataan...
tapi kekadang tergelincir juga...
so, Hannah Mahir sentiasa lah berusaha... ^^

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aktiviti di kelantan mmg x byk..
oncall selang 3 minggu...bile oncall, stay di jeli..
weekend x oncall, dulu masa arina still here, rumah itulah yg dituju, keluar dgn arina, KB Mall dan Tesco ditawaf...(sbb x de tpt lain nk dituju dah)
skrg, arina da dpt transfer blk s'gor (uwaaaa!!!! mmg sedih yg amat), naseb baik ada zana...
berkampung la weekend ku di tnh merah pulak...
tiap2 bulan mesti, wajib blk selangor...x kira org nk kata apa pun,(pasai org yg gheja di jeli pon tiap2 minggu balik ke halaman masing2, jdnya org luaq ni lagi la) yg pasti, waktu tu mmg kena balik untuk refreshment...
apa2 pun utk org yg men'support' saya, menolong saya, meminjamkan saya ubat-ubatan setiap hari....terima kasih byk2 (sgt2 byk)...i owe you guys big time...

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kepada rakan2 baek ku...aku rindu sama kamu semua.... :(